I’m writing this amazing discovery after I quit meditating in the middle because I’ve had to write down this amazing epiphany.
This deep internalization provides closure for my 3 years of success, failure, self-introspection, meditation, sex, lies, suicidal thoughts, thoughts about god; Times of bliss and times of depression, amazing relationship – and those that I am still hurt by to this day.
In short this article is a 3 year closure of self-seeking, for I have finally found my long searched-for TRUTH.
I might repeat myself several times during this article, this is for emphasis.
My name is Robby, it does not matter whether you’ve heard of me or not, or what your perception of me is; The thoughts and insights I share in this article are based on my personal truth which I have slowly pieced together through the long and painful process of walking through the blaze, being thrown back out, and then jumping back in.
I am not here to share my biography, nor do I wish to right now, what is of divine importance to me though is stressing that this article is written ENTIRELY based on personal experience and repeated beating by reality, which have helped focus and shape me into the person I am today, thus, I consider my words – fact.
This article is meant to express the current level of consciousness I am in, a person roughly my level of consciousness will thoroughly enjoy this article and learn how to piece together past and future events of his life, to “see the bigger picture” if I may.
A person who has surpassed my level of consciousness will indulge in a different point of view than his that is very easy to relate to and learn from in correlation to HIS past experiences.
This article is mainly intended for those who are confused, who can not find the center in their life. It is intended for those who are cursed with inspiration and can’t accept normal life as it is. Those who are considered ‘weird’ by many, but potentially could rise up from the masses to be like gods to ants. This article is my Pickup bible, my self-improvement bible, as well as an anchor for this higher state of mind. It was not even written by me, for I am merely the vessel for the exuding of knowledge that this article possess.
Grab a cup of tea, sit comfortably, and enjoy…
Every article starts with basic semantics so I will start mine with the following topics:
– How do I define pickup?
– What is the inner-goal every man has regardless of outer goals (money, women, revolution, etc)?
What is Pickup:
Pickup is the fascinating world of success with women, it is a journey for men who have previously been unsuccessful in their dating life and decided to take themselves to a place of more abundance and choice; On the journey to become a better man and improve his dating life, the average man will go through a lot of pain in the attempts to peel away the layers of shit that have layered on top of his self-esteem (the ego).
Most men enter the field of pickup for reasons of the ego (impressing others, never feeling the pain of rejection again). Most leave after a year or two when they find the woman (or women) they wanted and are ready to settle down. Those who stay after – the maniacal and obsessive pickup addicts, are usually those who will later succeed in OTHER areas of their life massively and find TRUE happiness and purpose in their life, as opposed to the man who settles for ‘just above average’.
Our ability to successfully consistently attract, date, and sleep with the women we are interested provides a direct mirror to where we currently are as men and human-beings in our personal development, and to reach the next level in our abilities with women we must go back and introspect to peel another layer of ego to reach our deep male core which was hidden from us through social-conditioning and past disappointments.
What is every man’s inner-goal?
(I have to give some credit to Alexander from RSD for this definition, it is by far the simplest and deepest definition of a man’s purpose I’ve come across)
We are all born with three alpha-male instincts, they are imprinted in us from the moment we are born ’till the day we die, we can never deny them; and our long-term happiness is a reflection of how loyal we are to these instincts and primal needs, these three instincts are:
Being present to the moment – Not analyzing, being completely devoted in your intent, no comparing and no hesitating, being clear in your intent and positive.
Being positive/dominant – Taking what you want, leading, being physical, being empathic, creating initiative, taking-up space and feeling comfortable in it, generating positive emotions through your actions, attracting people rather than pulling them by force.
Being a man of action – A man’s ability is determined by his willingness to take action and do what’s right in his eyes.
In each social interaction, there will always be only 1 alpha male, the alpha male is the man who is most connected to these 3 basic instincts, therefore:
A man who walks the street and sees a woman he is very attracted to and doesn’t approach, has less value than a beginner pickup-artist who approaches and fails. (because he takes action to a certain extent)
The beginner pickup-artist who fails will have less value than the intermediate pickup artist who feels good in his own body and is present to the moment. (more connected to his inner-core)
Even the intermediate pickup artist will never have the value that a man on his life purpose has, a man who knows what he wants and has his whole life including his internal compass aligned to that goal. (an embodiment of the 3 male instincts)
The first to men, the man who won’t approach and the beginner pickup artist are both unattractive and not alpha males, because both of them have lower value than the woman, or in other words, the are less in contact with their inner-core, they don’t know “who they are” as good as the girl knows “who she is” (in that specific situation), that is because the man is more identified with his ego then the woman, so he has more to justify and is less exposed and authentic; with all these handicaps, how can he NOT be low-value?
The other 2 men on the other-hand, the intermediate pickup-artist and the ideal man (the man who completely aligned on his life’s purpose) both know “who they are” better than how much the woman knows “who she is”, and as a result they are less needy than the woman and she is reacting to them, meaning the man has higher value, meaning the woman is attracted.
The difference is that the intermediate pickup artist fluctuates between high-value and low-value behaviour because he has not yet fully discovered himself, he still has certain misconceptions and illusions regarding reality and can find himself reacting to the woman he is with; The ideal man however (either an advanced pickup artist or a rare inspired man of action), knows who he is completely and shed mostly (if not entirely) his ego and his identification with his identity, meaning he will almost never find himself reacting to the woman, thus always being high-value (attractive).
In the same way that a man’s attraction to a woman comes from the way she looks and the feminine energy she expresses, a woman’s attraction to a man stems from the actions that the man will take according to his attraction to the woman and desire to sleep with and take care of her. A man who is completely in contact with his internal values and inner-core will always know what he wants, and go after it without hesitation, that’s what makes him so attractive.
Being a man of action allows the woman to ground herself in the man’s male-polarizing energy, and she can fully experience him.
Our ego/self-image/identification is what stops us from connecting to our three basic male instincts that are within us from birth, we are not present to the moment because we keep thinking and analyzing situations which leads to hesitation instead of action. We are not dominant nor do we take what we want because social-conditioning has taught us we are not good enough. The only dominant men out there are aggressive angry chodes who are hurt and try to destroy. We are not men of action neither, because we fear what people would think of us and thus don’t take action. Even when we do act, we do it under a mask of ego, hiding our true intentions and reacting to the environment, all in an unconscious effort to avoid rejection, to know it is not us that truly failed, but a character we acted as.
All of these are fruits of the ego which we have built up in our lives, our own personal set of rationalizations which help us avoid reality and taking responsibility, all while ignoring the fact we are going against our nature. With each negative experience we went through during childhood and puberty we have created a scar which we carry with us and hide from the world, all of these scars provide emotions of anger, frustration, fear and bitterness; Even a stranger in the street giving us a frowning face could prove to maintain the belief that “people are naturally bad” if it was fed to us enough during childhood.
How do you measure a man’s “game”?
A man’s “game” or ability with attracting and seducing women, is a combination of two elements, yin-yang style, the two elements are inner-game and outer-game, these two topics may have been heavily explained previously but not in the levels which I’m going to discuss.
First of all, definitions:
Inner-Game: Inner-game is a reflection of where we stand in our path of self-acceptance, which is our ability to be exposed, authentic, naked (both in body and spirit); It is our ability to be honest with ourselves and accepting at the same time. Developing inner-game is a process we go through as we self-inspect and ask ourselves what are we currently afraid of, what are we hiding, which intentions are we not honest with ourselves and others about.
Developing inner game, is the giving up process of the fictional identity which we have created for ourselves and fully accepting our true beings which are rock-solid and can not change.
Inner game is our ability to freely express ourselves without filtering what we think and say and do around other people, meaning not hiding our thoughts, expressing our emotions and being accepting of them, being accepting of our opinions, preferences and boundaries.We fight to protect the ego, our self-image which we have built for ourselves (which is by nature false and not self-sustaining), by lying to other people, trying to impress them and taking certain measures to hide our internal state (thoughts and emotions), because we believe that people will not accept us as we currently are, and our unconscious mind believes on a deep level that this equates death.
The main difference between strong inner-game and weak inner-game is that building a strong inner-game requires a long and painful process of self-inspection and slowly peeling all layers of ego (not peeling in the onion sense, more like peeling a bandage, that’s stuck to our balls. You could do it slowly with relative pain or very fast with a huge amount of pain and courage).
– Someone reacts to us negatively (get’s pissed off / makes fun of us), instead of having an immediate and appropriate reaction we start analyzing the situation and quickly look for a response that will get a response from the other person, thus confirming our ego/self-image; Instead of expressing what we feel and think, we limit or twist our behaviour and subjective reality to fit the current situation and to fit the character our self-image currently makes us to be.
– You go up to approach some girl, you’re feeling somewhat shy and calm, but you start shouting at her and acting with strong fake confidence, because you read it’s good to be confident – yet the girl can sense incongruence off of you thus labeling you immediately as low-value.
– The dreaded “Friendzone” exist solely because of the man’s lack of integrity with himself (not with the woman, with himself!) regarding his attraction and intentions towards the woman (he can’t admit to himself he wants her when it truly matters, because he’s afraid of possible rejection, and thus he rationalizes he has “feelings” for her, because she’s so “special”), this manifests itself in contradicting low-value behaviours from the guy; the woman won’t be attracted to the man, she won’t even get the chance to feel attraction, because at the first sign of attraction the man freaks-out and self-sabotages.
Outer-Game: One word – calibration. If inner-game defines our freedom to be honest with ourselves and express ourselves authentically, then outer-game defines how effectively we express ourselves. inner-game is the strength of our reality, outer-game our ability to pull people into that reality effectively.
The best analogy I have for inner/outer-game is a movie theater analogy, inner-game is the movie and how deep and emotional it is, outer-game is the subtitles people use to understand the movie and follow (even if it’s a different language).
Allow me to explain – when you are with a girl and you are completely self accepting (ie: no ego), that doesn’t necessarily means that the girl will love and accept you as easily as you love and accept your self, therefore, we need to learn how to express ourselves in such a way that other people would be able to get sucked into our reality. No matter how in-touch we are with our 3 basic alpha male instincts (presence, positive-dominance, taking action), we must know how to express ourselves in such a way that would effectively polarize the woman’s feminine energy, the process of learning this skill is learned by repeated experiences and failure, thus learning calibration, by practicing as much as possible you will have gathered enough reference experiences to know how to react in as many social situations and scenarios as possible. Learning outer-game is basically like refining a great script for our movie so that the girl could follow the movie without getting confused or uncomfortable.
Outer game is basically the vast spectrum of reactions we have to each social scenario that we’ve refined by constantly trying out new things and practicing old things in order to find more and more social patterns which make socializing more and more predictable, allowing us to push the limit of our social potential further and further.
The only way to attain tight outer-game is to constantly practice, try new things, and push your comfort zone. Thus increasing our ability to “ride the wave” just like a kid learns how to skate on a skateboard, at first he just has trouble standing on it, then he can ride it, then turn, then jump/Ollie, then manual; with each level being stacked on top of the skills previously learned.
This is the reason a guy who’s new to approaching women feels like he’s walking a tight-rope with every interaction, like mustn’t make mistake or else he’ll get rejected. On the other hand the intermediate and advanced guys feel a lot more like their walking a bridge, because he can easily and intuitively correct mistakes by having enough reference experiences that help support his tight outer-game.
This fits perfect with Jeff’s (RSD coach) analogy of the rookie plane pilot who encounters turbulence and freaks the fuck out, unlike the veteran pilot who’s seen it all, when he gets into turbulence he simply acknowledges it and presses a few buttons calmly and the turbulence soon passes.
Now the to the main topic of the article – “how a lack of inner and outer-game sync causes frustration and failure”:
I’ll put it out like this, anytime we lack balance between inner-game and outer-game we experience frustration, this frustration manifests itself in the feeling that we’re stuck, we look for the next big thing to improve us, and most importantly – we look for that magic pill that we could swallow to improve painlessly and without the self-introspection and the peeling of the next deep level of ego/false reality we have in our head.
On the other hand, when there is an equilibrium between our inner-game and outer-game we experience amazing nights of progress and fun, we walk around with this godly feeling, no outcome dependence, no hesitation, just clarity and purpose, independent of the external environment and self-sustaining from within, we come in touch with our 3 male instincts.
The good new is that every time we reach equilibrium (or state), we will reach it at a higher intensity of Inner-Outer game correlation than last time, therefore the happiness we will feel, our ability to act without hesitation, our results, and the level of how immersed we are in our experience will all increase exponentially with time; Like a virtuoso guitar player delivering his greatest concert (this is the reason people stay in pickup long after attaining their starting goals).
In contrast, most of our journey will be spent in a state of lacking equilibrium, sometimes for days, weeks or even months; What happens during a lack of equilibrium is that our outer-game has improved and now we have to self-reflect and peel away another layer of dishonesty in our identity, another ego layer, in-order to sync our inner-game level with the new outer-game level we have attained through repeated training, since now there is a lack of congruence between the level at which we project ourselves and how we actually feel internally.
Inner-game is experienced in different levels, with each level requiring a higher level of ‘altitude’ (The disconnecting of the ego from the self. Objectively viewing life and purpose), this basically means we need a higher level of maturity, which enables us to see the bigger picture much better and clearer, instead of focusing on ego thoughts (“me me me!”).
The analogy I would use for inner-game development and it’s stages would be the difference between the CEO of a multimillion dollar company and the average desk worker in the company. The desk worker is only a tiny part of the company and his presence is not so important, he comes to work to do what he is required to without much thought, just to finish his day. The CEO on the other hand needs to look at the company as one big organism, every decision he makes must be rational and without emotions involved in the way, the boss holds his company in his hands instead of the company holding him.Outer-game on the other hand, is not experienced in levels/phases as it is in gradual steps, every time we try something new and uncomfortable our brains slowly develops and recognizes patterns, just like driving a car; We slowly amp up our tolerance for social pressure, which usually comes in the form of anxiety, this is our unconscious innate fear of DEATH.
My analogy for outer-game is that it’s like building muscle at the gym, we lift weights that are just slightly above our capabilities, but not so high above our muscle capabilities so that we won’t experience muscle failure (in pickup this means mental breakdown or inability to function), slowly we increase the weight and as our strength increases so does the weight gradually.
The ideal situation is one where we go out every day and approach women (preferably 5 or more a day) and every day we push our comfort zone just a little bit (in other words try new things and realize that there is no failure only learning experiences), only after enough failing and improving we reach a new plateau of inner-game which will demand that we self-examine our identity and face another layer of lack of congruence between who we are and who we are trying to become. This will force us to shift into a higher paradigm, we face our inner-demons, and move on for more glory!
What usually happens unfortunately is that we try to escape ourselves and our need to face our demons to complete the next path of our identity change, anytime we feel frustrated in the field it’s usually a lack of imbalance between our inner and outer game, we reject and resist reality, and gradually convince ourselves we can improve in this field WITHOUT facing our demons and actually changing ourselves as persons (which is exactly what plateaus are for).
“He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened.” -Lao Tzu
In other words, the only way to improve our abilities with women is to go out and actually talk to different women, and whenever we face the next plateau in our advancement we need to look deep inside ourselves, our identity and our paradigms; and allow ourselves to find the next level of lack of congruent we have between our old and new-selves, the next level of self-exposure to the surface that we are so afraid of.If we go back to the band-aid analogy from earlier (peeling off layers of ego is like removing a band-aid), then we realize that there are basically two ways of aligning our inner-game and outer-game:
The first is to not let us lie to ourselves and really use our willpower and leverage to face our inner-demons and deceptions. This is like quickly removing a band-aid, it might hurt a lot for a few seconds, but the pain is very short and quick.
The second, slower and more painful way of reaching aliment is to keep hitting the same walls, denying, and rejecting the notion that we are not perfect, and that our sense of identity is actually standing in our way and it needs to be left behind; this will keep happening until the amount of pain and frustration which we experience from our plateau will be greater than that we will experience if we keep our former sense of identity tightly in our waist, thus the natural choice would be to deal with our lack of congruence and to let go of our former identity (to peel off our layer of ego), this is why we commonly see a newbie go out a lot and not get results for a long time, when suddenly in just one night he transforms and gets the most insane results.. This basically occurs when the balance of pain of staying the same vs the pain of transforming and peeling another layer has shifted more towards the latter.
This is why I strongly suggest to any person wanting to get better at this to focus on approaching as much as possible, staying in-set as long as possible (burning each set to the ground), while focusing on improving your weakest spots (these are most commonly related to your ego and sense of identity), the failure process is usually painful indeed and filled with a lot of missed-opportunities, but the rewards for those who persist are far greater than to those who chose to stay behind.The reason we feel frustrated and fail to really relax and enjoy our nights, both in success with women and in life in general, is because of the situation we’ve discussed of a lack of aliment between inner and outer game, we go out to improve our game and have many outer-game breakthroughs, but we use those as crutches and gimmicks while the identity and the inner-game stays left behind. The concept is still not integrated as part of our reality.
We as man sometimes feel comfortable approaching many women and failing again and again and we appear to not mind it, this is because the man who we approached as is nothing but a fictive figure which we invented using our ego, we use our imaginary and old sense of identity along with the new gimmicks we learned (previously epiphanies) and thus we don’t really feel the pain of rejection, because internally we know it was “not really us”, but an actor, and an actor CAN be rejected without pain.
Examples of “acting” through your ego/former sense of identity:
Analyzing and predicting our behavior before an approach
Thinking of ways to get the girl to react in a certain way
Behaving in an unnatural (inauthentic) way because we’ve read about it online
Not expressing my opinions and wants from fear of rejection
Hiding my feelings and thoughts because they show weakness
In summary, this state of resistance is characterized by a lack of aliment between our thoughts, words and actions. A lack of aliment between our internal state and that which we project.
Our development in the game and as man is composed of two processes, expansion and contraction, just like yin-yang, just like every cycle of life.
Expansion: the process in-which we develop our outer-game, the trial and error phase, going out in the field and meeting women. We try things which are not yet comfortable with us, we experience a new success, learn a new technique, a new mindset, what to do, what not to do. WE GET BETTER AT OUR CRAFT.
Contraction: the process of self-examining, finding out who we really are, slowly removing the band-aid of ego and lies we have around us, shedding our skin and stepping out of our former identity (again, this equates to death for our brain). Slowly we expose our true, authentic self, which is unbreakable and static, it is impossible to change.
We experience frustration when we cut the natural cycle of expansion and contradiction, meaning we either don’t go out enough to practice, or don’t let ourselves change and hold on to our former identity. Thus getting stuck in the cycle.
The two main cases for this are either A) a person who thinks to highly of himself (“master pickup artist”) thus forcing unrealistic outer-game from him which he simply can-not deliver, or the opposite case B) in which a person thinks too little of himself and gets caught up in techniques instead of realising “I am enough”.
“I am nothing, not better than any fellow-man. yet I am enough, I’m better than all”, remember this phrase.